No, not cash for the doc...though that would be nice.
Instead I'm experiencing the lovely pangs of professional jealousy having learned that an old high school acquaintance has landed a big deal major award. I know comparison can be a motivator but right now at this very moment I'm having a mini pity-fest that consists of me moping that all of the projects I have are taking so long to gather momentum.
I always think that people aren't totally above board about the issue of writerly envy. Everyone always pretends to be so happy for their ultra-talented (and, face it, not-so-talented) friends but I think a lot of true, natural feelings get seriously repressed. Then again, perhaps I'm just a covetous person who needs to be beaten over the head with a sharing stick.
The thing I know from experience is that this feeling passes but you can't help but have a brief peek at the road map of your life and reflect on why your path hasn't led where theirs has.
Still here's a quote about the wasted emotion that puts it in perspective. It comes courtesy American sci-fi writer Bruce Sterling. He writes...
"A lot of authors I know, they're eaten up with jealousy of other writers. If they're not jealous of writers they're jealous of movie directors or they want to be more famous or get more public attention or something, more money, more whatever, hotter girls, a nicer car, I don't know - whatever their kink is - but that really wastes a lot of time, it becomes quite self-destructive.
"It's challenging enough just to do things that only you can do. It takes a long time as a writer to find your own voice, some writers never do."
So that's what I'm doing this week. Concentrating on doing the things that only I can do and I'm coming to a greater appreciation that yes, dammit, those exist.
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